RINGING IN THE AWESOME

IN A PERFECT WORLD I would've already been balls-deep in blogging fame by now, given that I created this blog ages ago and fancy myself, among other things, quite the writer and intellectual. I guess I'm not. But thanks to the glory of the internet, I have a place to conceitedly share my opinions on every subject under the sun. So let's start with my favorite subject: ME.

I am, at the moment, an out of work writer who lives in Los Angeles. I have no pets, although occasionally my friend Jose will bring by his turtle Petunte, which he is trying to sell to me for an ever-decreasing price. I generally tell him that I won't commit to buying the turtle until we know its gender, and I'm fairly certain he's not hard up enough for the cash to figure that one out.

I cook religiously, but not with the variety I crave. I don't know how the hell housewives perpetually dazzle their husbands with new dishes in between Hubby's Favorite Pot Roast or Meat Loaf, but if you're lucky enough to have a woman that cooks for you with any semblance of variety or panache, count your fucking blessings because I am getting very tired of my pasta.

Apropos women, I don't have a girlfriend. I do have women I have sex with, but truth be told, I'm finding it unfulfilling. Actually, that's not true; fucking is fucking great.

Occasionally, I can be the funniest person in a room. I generally accomplish this with the assistance of about 4mg of Xanax and two of my favorite drink in the world - Johnny and Ginger (A shot of Johnny Walker Black in an ice-filled highball glass, then topped up with Ginger Ale) - but when I get that wonderful deadly mix in me I become the love child of George Carlin and Caligula. I also enjoy cigarettes.

That said, welcome to this little bloggywog, which I hope you'll be enjoying on a regular basis now that I've gotten off my ass and am writing actively. Ta ta for now!

--Buster