VALENTINE'S D(ISSAR)AY

TOMORROW, AS I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL AWARE, is Valentine's Day - that hallowed day of expressing affection to a member of the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing), where lovers rejoice in the adoration of their partner, where one can give something lavish to their sweetheart and get rewarded with excellent sex. BUT THAT IS ONLY FOR THE LUCKY FEW.

What about the rest of us? The downtrodden, the ugly, the broke motherfuckers? Or even worse, those of us who are hopelessly in love with more than one person (three at the moment, in my case)! Two of them are taken, one is emotionally unavailable. In a touch of insight into me, the first problem generally doesn't matter all too much. I think if a bond exists between two people it'll hold up despite temptation, and if they slip, then it's a sign that things aren't working out.

But in the mean time, what the fuck do I do tomorrow? Do I send them all letters that I've lovingly fashioned from red construction paper and poetic flattery? FedEx them flowers? Call? None of them are my girlfriend, but I'd happily give a finger to be with them. So it begs the question: Which one do I send my special Valentine gift to?

Let's introduce the candidates before we make any hasty decisions.

Number one is a girl who I feel a deep, deep bond with, despite her being everything I'm not. She (like me) has had her heart broken, but on a deeper level than most of us can understand. Specifically, her fiancé was cheating on her with a 19-year-old and left her 30 thousand dollars in debt. Consequently, she's working her beautifully-proportioned ass off to get out of hock, and while we've had some hook-ups (encounters?), they've been all too brief or poorly-timed to get them to mean something real. Also, she doesn't trust men at all at the moment (or at least, that's the excuse I've been given. She's not terribly forthright). When we hooked up on New Year's Eve, she actually cried while we were kissing because that was the night (a year or so prior) that her boyfriend had become her fiancé. Fucked up, eh? But I still keep coming back to her, in a way that almost makes me feel like a stalker, but we always have a really good time together and I feel a very deep spiritual thing going on with this chick.

Candidate numero dos is a bookworm I picked up while I was buying some underwear at the Gap. She is sophisticated, she's got a wry wit, and she's an amazing lay. Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend who she's got a two-year history with and she's addicted to the drama that that entails (our little triangle, that is). So I'm assuming that in her mind, she wants to perpetuate this little cycle of fucking me and loving him. A year ago, I'd be totally cool with that - sex on call without having to deal with an actual relationship? Sweet. But now, I think I'd rather be the guy who gets the love than the guy who gets the sex. Both would be ideal.

Now, the last candidate is an odd number. We grew up on the same street and by happenstance, we were at a party over the Christmas holidays in our hometown together, and she said (in this rich, cigarette-husky voice), "Hey. Didn't you live on my street?" We talked for a bit and she turned out to be pretty cool, then we took to each other like a match to gunpowder. We talked for about three weeks non-stop and I enjoyed the shit out of every conversation, taking opportunities to rag on her much-older boyfriend and generally having a laugh about the most random things that came to mind. We were remarkably similar - funny, odd people with a penchant for being unique and not conforming by any means necessary, who are also quite fond of the drink.

Then we met up in LA, and I took her out on a "faux-date" (read: friend date) then we went back to her place at around three. I put the moves on her, and while it seemed like she was enjoying it, we were really stoned, at her boyfriend's friend house, and she ended up asking me to go. Normally, I'd just say I blew it, I shouldn't have kisssed her, etc, but here's what's fucked up: SHE SUGGESTED HOOKING UP WOULD BE FUN. I showed restraint, for fuck's sake! People, do you know what that means for me!? So after about a week of awkward we started talking again, and now we're back to flirting/friend stuff. She's still indecisive about her boyfriend, but from what it sounds like, they're at very different stages in their lives (15-year age gap, anyone?), and she should probably split with him and be with somebody else who's at a similar spot. Preferably me. I really dig this girl.

EDIT: I should point out that candidate #3 is somebody I really appreciate as a friend, not just a romantic interest. The other two are girls I'm in love with, but #3 is somebody I could be cool with on a non-romantic level as well. Not that I wouldn't want to be friends with #1 and #2, just that I have more in common with #3 and I value her friendship.

SO I SUBMIT TO YOU, GENTLE READERS (assuming anybody reads this tosh): Who should be the object of my affection? Feel free to leave comments, concerns, feedback, etc. If somebody could write something in ebonics, that would be wonderful (That bitch gotta get her shit together, leave her man, and get with you, muthafucka!).

In other news, I went back for a second interview at the Banana Republic at the Grove. It would be a sweet gig because it's really close to home and I love the clothes, but the interviews really take a lot out of me. I like to think I can be myself around other people easily, but it's hard for me to act like I don't need the job. By the same token, nobody's doing great right now, so holler if you hear me on the economic note.

Anyway, a merry Valentine's Day to all, and may you be blessed with a lasting, passionate, movie-style romance! For now, I'm going to buy myself a bottle of Johnny Walker Black and mix myself some Johnny & Gingers and drink myself into a stupor, pass out, and pray I get a call back from BR tomorrow. Ta for now.